dog gifts

As seen in a dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

10 am- Oh boy! Nap! My favorite!

Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 383 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture
and urinating on the bath mat.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while
they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try
this on their bed, or swallow enough thread from my captors mending
basket to produce a trailing piece of fecal matter.

I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
to make them aware of the horror that I am capable of, and to try to
strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what
a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan... Later,
there was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event.

However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing
" allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. My
proof is that the dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got
to be an informant, as he speaks
with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can
wait, it is only a matter of time...